Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
