I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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