im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis