ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
