i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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