let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level