No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
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they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...