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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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