Texts From Last Night

Last Night in California (909)

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  (909): View more from California

  dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.

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  (909): dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting. http://tfl.nu/kj58
  Replies (11) Good night (529) Bad night (3409)
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  (909): View more from California

  It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity

  (909): View more from California

  Something's gotta give!

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  (909): It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity (909): Something's gotta give! http://tfl.nu/w8ji
  Replies (23) Good night (528) Bad night (1475)
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  (909): View more from California

  I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.

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  (909): I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting. http://tfl.nu/6xjr
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  (909): View more from California

  good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant

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  (909): good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant http://tfl.nu/4y6m
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  (206): View more from Washington

  The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.

  (909): View more from California

  Whaaaaaat? No way.

  (206): View more from Washington

  Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.

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  (206): The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag. (909): Whaaaaaat? No way. (206): Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier. http://tfl.nu/t9qj
  Replies (16) Good night (465) Bad night (1796)
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  (909): View more from California

  is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.

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  (909): is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender. http://tfl.nu/yst1
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  (909): View more from California

  how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?

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  (909): how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close? http://tfl.nu/7d45
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  (909): View more from California

  I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.

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  (909): I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit. http://tfl.nu/gsje
  Replies (5) Good night (421) Bad night (1323) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.

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  (909): This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday. http://tfl.nu/sxb3
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  (909): View more from California

  It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.

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  (909): It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer. http://tfl.nu/6a0i
  Replies (5) Good night (378) Bad night (1716) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.

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  (909): Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS. http://tfl.nu/zdw2
  Replies (7) Good night (347) Bad night (1785) Order T-Shirt
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  (909): View more from California

  Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?

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  (909): Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy? http://tfl.nu/bd8h
  Replies (7) Good night (316) Bad night (1336) Order T-Shirt