I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...