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I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
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