HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?