I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pussy is not your playground.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun