I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
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aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
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He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic