I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.