I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
