Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I can feel my liver begging me to stop.

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  (479): I can feel my liver begging me to stop. http://tfl.nu/j2ah
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  I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?

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  (479): I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense? http://tfl.nu/pnqf
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  I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital

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  (479): I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital http://tfl.nu/kjdp
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  As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.

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  (479): As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man. http://tfl.nu/2x85
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  How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.

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  (479): How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her. http://tfl.nu/z3i9
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  New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.

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  (479): New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways. http://tfl.nu/3d1m
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  I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

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  (479): I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction http://tfl.nu/gbpq
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  She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.

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  (479): She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday. http://tfl.nu/do6j
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  Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.

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  (479): Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question. http://tfl.nu/6lny
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  Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient

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  (479): Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient http://tfl.nu/pvik
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  Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.

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  Just skip

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  Please. i have SOME standards

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  (479): Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day. (501): Just skip (479): Please. i have SOME standards http://tfl.nu/0muv
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  There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.

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  (479): There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell. http://tfl.nu/h1ye
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  Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.

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  (479): Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie. http://tfl.nu/n54r
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  In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.

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  (479): In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony. http://tfl.nu/h4yi
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  He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.

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  (479): He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave. http://tfl.nu/idj5
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