Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Arkansas (479)

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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.

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  (479): She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction. http://tfl.nu/io12
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  PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.

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  (479): PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies. http://tfl.nu/q44j
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  Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.

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  (479): Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing. http://tfl.nu/uted
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  I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.

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  (479): I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again. http://tfl.nu/tpxn
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  Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.

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  (479): Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE. http://tfl.nu/evb8
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  he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.

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  (479): he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that. http://tfl.nu/u07t
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  I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.

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  (479): I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. http://tfl.nu/32cb
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  He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.

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  (479): He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background. http://tfl.nu/fwy9
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  They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.

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  (479): They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora. http://tfl.nu/rpdd
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  Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.

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  (479): Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits. http://tfl.nu/uo57
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  I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.

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  (479): I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital. http://tfl.nu/6mwi
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  You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?

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  (479): You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI? http://tfl.nu/c4jp
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  I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.

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  (479): I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me. http://tfl.nu/04w2
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  It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.

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  (479): It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule. http://tfl.nu/n9xy
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  I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...

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  (479): I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower... http://tfl.nu/hy7a
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