Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
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What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
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I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.