she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.