I want to be your penis for a week.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.