All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
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Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
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