I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?