I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find