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Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
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