I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.