He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
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She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.