Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.