Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
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Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants