As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.