These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.