Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so