She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going