I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My dick has a subreddit
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober