I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday