We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
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So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?