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Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
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