Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Ohio (419)

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  I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook

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  (419): I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook http://tfl.nu/40z7
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  She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.

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  (419): She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared. http://tfl.nu/zba1
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  is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.

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  (419): is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately. http://tfl.nu/bi26
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  apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"

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  (419): apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty" http://tfl.nu/fxst
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  I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.

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  (419): I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned. http://tfl.nu/xmxl
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  I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better

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  (419): I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better http://tfl.nu/bdvs
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  who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage

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  (419): who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage http://tfl.nu/wlxq
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  i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.

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  (419): i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go. http://tfl.nu/8sa8
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  You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.

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  (419): You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you. http://tfl.nu/qq0g
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  It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.

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  (419): It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America. http://tfl.nu/twjg
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  He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"

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  (419): He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry" http://tfl.nu/v0z5
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  We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.

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  (419): We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic. http://tfl.nu/lf87
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  somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...

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  (419): somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky... http://tfl.nu/anut
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  I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.

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  ....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.

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  (937): I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before. (419): ....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return. http://tfl.nu/j7d7
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  Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.

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  (419): Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit. http://tfl.nu/7cu4
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