She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.