Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Montana (406)

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  Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.

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  (406): Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life. http://tfl.nu/9594
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  Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...

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  (406): Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms... http://tfl.nu/f4gr
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  I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.

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  You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.

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  (406): I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night. (1-406): You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere. http://tfl.nu/7pyy
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  He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.

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  (406): He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell. http://tfl.nu/7ioa
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  Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT

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  (406): Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT http://tfl.nu/rebq
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  Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.

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  (406): Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues. http://tfl.nu/jvdq
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  don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room

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  (406): don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room http://tfl.nu/gche
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  I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.

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  (406): I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth. http://tfl.nu/0auz
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  sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.

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  (406): sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of. http://tfl.nu/ki5k
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  Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?

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  (406): Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver? http://tfl.nu/hdgc
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  I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.

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  (406): I would watch the shit out of some full house right now. http://tfl.nu/5ksj
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  K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea

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  (406): K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/3xax
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  You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt

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  That literally makes no sense

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  Exactly

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  (406): You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt (1-406): That literally makes no sense (406): Exactly http://tfl.nu/db6l
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  Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift

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  (406): Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift http://tfl.nu/uiqc
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  I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.

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  (406): I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation. http://tfl.nu/zwu5
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