had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
