You smell like stripper and shame
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
