and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
