If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom