Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
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He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.