He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He kissed a someone with a penis
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.