I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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