i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you