I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.