I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.