Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever