He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.