Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Illinois (708)

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  the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

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  (708): the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out. http://tfl.nu/g42w
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  just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..

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  (708): just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car.. http://tfl.nu/c49r
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  did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"

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  (708): did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement" http://tfl.nu/nqth
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  Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.

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  (708): Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think. http://tfl.nu/wg4r
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  sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed

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  (708): sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed http://tfl.nu/38z7
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  I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home." 

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  (708): I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."  http://tfl.nu/9eb3
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  what are we doing this weekend?

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  I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.

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  (708): what are we doing this weekend? (1-708): I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store. http://tfl.nu/uvwp
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  so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

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  (708): so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me. http://tfl.nu/mwnt
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  youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer

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  (708): youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer http://tfl.nu/xxdd
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  having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling

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  (708): having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling http://tfl.nu/2wgp
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  Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?

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  (708): Someone played tic tac toe on my abs? http://tfl.nu/19a9
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  He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...

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  I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....

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  (630): He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now... (708): I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come.... http://tfl.nu/k2gw
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  you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend

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  why?

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  so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.

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  (708): you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend (1-708): why? (708): so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement. http://tfl.nu/h2nt
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  I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard

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  (708): I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard http://tfl.nu/i4gj
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  there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again

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  (708): there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again http://tfl.nu/npn0
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