Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
