Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..