You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend