Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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