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i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sober January is a disaster.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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