He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wear drunk well.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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