so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
