He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...