I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much