I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.