we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"