Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Texas (281)

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  In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.

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  (281): In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight. http://tfl.nu/l97c
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  All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".

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  (281): All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems". http://tfl.nu/zcya
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  I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.

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  (281): I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that. http://tfl.nu/d3y7
  Replies (7) Good night (312) Bad night (1113) Order T-Shirt
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  so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

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  (281): so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better. http://tfl.nu/ybcl
  Replies (8) Good night (3779) Bad night (1097)
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  Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.

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  (281): Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low. http://tfl.nu/mevg
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  She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.

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  (281): She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this. http://tfl.nu/u3zd
  Replies (45) Good night (9506) Bad night (1020)
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  Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap

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  (281): Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap http://tfl.nu/xw89
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  Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.

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  (281): Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character. http://tfl.nu/f69z
  Replies (11) Good night (7309) Bad night (971)
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  seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout

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  (281): seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout http://tfl.nu/w9k1
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  I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

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  (281): I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent http://tfl.nu/311d
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  when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer

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  (281): when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer http://tfl.nu/c3p9
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  you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka

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  (281): you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka http://tfl.nu/l68b
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  It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night

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  (281): It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night http://tfl.nu/xp13
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  Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.

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  (281): Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips. http://tfl.nu/z4q3
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  my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family

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  (281): my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family http://tfl.nu/olwi
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