Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?